Strange Is Writing

Goodbye

2009-12-09T16:23:00.000+08:00

Yesterday we said our goodbye
I saw the worst in your smile
Shattered from hopes and dreams
For this love has not died
Simply torn by your faithfulness.

This broken heart had been aching
Agonized for far too long
Yet it got crushed again last night
It was not the exertion of a devil
It was an angel in the form of YOU.

You’ve abandoned me long ago
I was lost in my own mind map
Wondering if I should find my way back to you
I wanted to be with you
There’s nothing more that I want than to feel you.

Finally I’ve caught up with my world
Realizing what is right and wrong for me
At least that’s what I think
I can no longer see you ‘cause you drifted
Far from sight, far from breathe.

You will always remain the angel in disguise
For you had released me from this black cage
Took my hand, and took me into comfort
I hold on to you tight
Too tight I suffocated you.

Today I am better
Better off without you
At least that’s what I think
Someday you and I will look into each other’s eyes
‘Cause I know you’re somewhere out there.

You and I will no longer exist
I’ll miss the plurality of you and I
No wait,
I’m missing you already…

That Door

2009-07-30T15:55:00.000+08:00

Why do you keep looking for that door?
There's nothing left in there,
Only silver dust that fades with the sun.

Stop looking for that door,
There's someone waiting for you in the car,
Get up and get moving,
There's no one behind those doors,
Only suicidal notes from yesterday.

Heart

2009-04-20T13:04:00.003+08:00

Rip your shirt off,
Look at the mirror.
And stare at your chest.

Can you see your heart beating?

You can't; Thank God,
Because if you could,
I am afraid to show mine.

And how fast it beats when you hold my hand.

Colors

2009-04-10T22:44:00.000+08:00

Apple comes in two colors;
Green and red.

Wine comes in two colors;
White and red.

Your feelings are stuck with two colors too;
White and black.

Even when the world is furnished with thousands of colors;
Why do you choose to wear only two?

Final

2009-03-23T11:03:00.002+08:00

If she can't decide
And he is undecided
Let me decide

And my decision is final

FULL STOP

Looking For Tomorrow

2009-02-18T12:42:00.000+08:00

Today came and you were gone,
I am sorry I asphyxiated you;
I am blameworthy of your execution.

Yesterday was a blunder,
We shouldn’t have taken the subway,
We should have been more careful.

Tomorrow will be a long journey down the highway,
Wait for me at the end of the crossroad,
I will bring you home again.

If only yesterday wasn’t a mistake,
Today you would be by my side;
And tomorrow your name would be Karla.

Valerie

2009-02-16T23:22:00.000+08:00

Dear Valerie,
Hi, how are you doing?
I hope you're doing great
I am far from being fine
But I am certainly through with the pain

Dear Valerie,
You have done it before, haven't you?
How did you feel then?
How do you feel now?
I am composed but I am blameworthy

Dear Valerie,
I anticipate her presence one day
Yes, I left her
But I shall remain here for her
And this time, I won't let her slip away

Dear Valerie,
Thank you for being my patronage
And thank you for not judging me
We are the same, aren't we?
Your blood is red and so is mine

Now Playing, The Song for Life

2009-02-11T16:11:00.000+08:00

This is my stage,
These are my audience,
Hail my name,
I will sing you a song.

I keep telling myself “Don’t worry”,
Everything will be okay,
The audience would love me,
I will be a legend.

And when I start singing,
I hear the voices I’ve never heard before,
I looked down at my audience,
They were singing along.

Thank you my audience,
For accepting who I am,
For I am not a great singer,
But only a being like you.

When the curtain falls,
And I took my bow,
With great dignity,
I will continue this path.

For this path has taught me to be strong,
The people who keep judging,
The people who kept questioning,
One day they will succumb to my fight for this life I’ve chosen.

Time

2009-01-04T00:17:00.000+08:00

Seconds to minutes
You cling to me
You wanted my heart
And all the feelings I have

Minutes to hours
You kept watch of me
A desperate attempt to hold me
To stop me from falling

Hours to days
You promised to stay
You asked for my hands
To hold and never let go

Time is approaching
I can feel it swift by
My hands will find yours
Embrace me from falling
Bestow shelter to my heart

Keep me close
Keep me safe
And time
Will proof you
That I'll never let go too

Dancing in the Moonlight

2008-12-17T22:47:00.003+08:00

Forty winks and no sleep
I’m having happy thoughts
You know we can’t give it up
Tap, spin and bop
Dance under the moonlight

Your soul is dead beat
Yet the heart is dancing of joy
The truth can’t be disguise
Get it on tonight
Get up and dance to the moonlight

Energy depletion permitted
Let it out to the sound of music
Loose yourself to the rhythm
Hit that note
You’re dancing in the moonlight

Don’t close your eyes
Look into my eyes, see the bliss
Take my hand and laugh with me
Give me one last dance
The crack of dawn unwearyingly awaits

* title inspired by Toploader - Dancing in the Moonlight

My Heart and Yours, Is ONE

2008-12-13T20:21:00.001+08:00

Heaven is in your eyes
But you placed it in my heart

You touched me on the face
But I felt it in my heart

You took my hand today
And I felt safe in my heart

A gentle whisper of my name
And your name whispered in my heart

When you were dying
I was dying too
And when you died
I died with you

She's So Lucky (Yet She Is Not Aware)

2008-12-09T12:32:00.003+08:00

Girl,
If you have a man who loves you the most
Will you stop hurting his feelings?
Will you stop finding his faults?
Because the day you lose him completely
Is the day you will regret the most

I have once loved and it is now broken
As much as I want to blame him
I blame myself more
Because I was ever so lucky
But I chose to ignore and it hurts
And it hurts him more

You're lucky he still answers your phone calls
You're lucky you could still hear his voice
You're lucky he said the word 'sorry'
You're lucky he still says he loves you

I wish he had picked up my phone calls
I wish I had heard him say 'hello'
I wish I told him how sorry I am
I wish he knew how much I had loved him

One moment last night I pondered
What if I could return to August...

Shadow

2008-12-08T23:53:00.000+08:00

I see my own shadow trailing me
My loyal companionship
Through joy and sorrow
It never fails to feel the same
And the moment it's lost
It'll find it's way to me

The cloud is getting darker
My feet are getting cold
But where are you?
Why won’t you be my shadow?
I never had to wait for my shadow

Are you fighting the storm?
Why can't you find your way to me?
This shadow never forgets me
Are you forgetting me already?

You’ve called me a betrayer of love
I call you my savior of love
You gave me the full stop
I gave you my whole heart

You let me bleed
My shadow is bleeding too
You won't see us bleed tomorrow
Because my shadow will disappear when morning comes
And so will I

My Perfect Graduation (A Grandchild’s Wish)

2008-11-28T23:26:00.001+08:00

My perfection graduation
Is for you to be there
To witness my victory
To be the one cheering
To feel proud of my achievement

But you wouldn’t be there
You went to heaven to God
You put up a fight
But He was almightier
You said your goodbye
Silently and peacefully

My perfect graduation
Ruined by one midnight
You would never return to me
I lost one chance to prove to you
That I am the best grandchild you have

Why do you have to leave so soon?
I wasn’t done with you
I had a perfect dream arranged
Your departure alters everything
The future I dreamt of was gone

The perfect graduation
The perfect plan
The perfect future
Lost with you
Gone with you
Died with you

But I still have you close to my heart
And I’m living today for you granny…

The Page

2008-11-24T21:58:00.001+08:00

You gave me a book of life,
On one page there were full of tales,
Tales of a wonderful journey,
Of great happiness,
And of painstaking sorrow.

You lead me into that page,
You told me you'll be there with me,
To explore many more other pages,
You gave me strength to go on,
You kept me going.

When you left, i kept going,
When you decided to never come back,
I tried to move on to a new page,
But i kept going back to the previous page,
The page where you promised me wonders,
The page where you'd keep me company.

Now i'm still reading that page,
Going through every single moment alone,
Laughing at Jim alone,
Crying for Sara alone,
Crying for myself alone.

My Diary of the Agonized Moment

2008-11-22T11:45:00.000+08:00

I regret knowing a guy by the name of Matthiu
He hates me and why I don’t have a clue

I should have walked up to Jas and say ‘You’re the best’
But I know it would all end up a mess

I could have been a better chick in school
But I blew everything coz I don’t act cool

Devil had been chasing me up and down
And every time it got to me, I lost count

I should have worked harder for my papers
At least I won’t have to feel so useless

I should have cried louder when she died
It could have helped my feelings like tonight

When another died, I crumbled like the tower
These tears will not go away in an hour

James thinks that my life is brilliant
I couldn’t have figured that out in a million

I don’t feel beautiful yesterday, today and tomorrow
These puts me through more pain and sorrow

I can’t believe my granny’s really gone
The agony’s too much to let bygones be bygones

I don’t have plans for this 21st century
But I already know my priority

There wouldn’t be an angel coz I never prayed hard enough
I don’t need one too coz Kiz makes me laugh

But my worst agony is to have falling for you
You who had taken my heart and crushed it
Probably that is why I never felt beautiful…

Shattered Selena

2008-11-18T21:32:00.000+08:00

She calls home from a distance
Just to find out her daddy’s drunk
Her mommy doesn’t sound good
Her lil sister is calling her name out
She cries and she cries…

But baby don’t you worry
My shattered Selena
You’re growing stronger than you ever imagined
You’re picking up the pace to make a living
I have my eyes on you

She walked along the empty street
Just to find a canister with left overs
She felt the hunger of her own stomach
But she gave it to the folk across the street
She cries and she cries…

And when she reached her doorstep
There standing with joy was her lil sister
She held her up like an angel filtered with pride
Her mommy watching from the kitchen

She is my baby, my baby Selena
She is the angel of a shattered, broken home
I am bleeding but she is my tourniquet
You’ve saved me since the day you were born

Dear Brother

2008-11-13T22:21:00.000+08:00

Dear brother,
What happened between us?
What made you hate me a great deal?
What sort of pleasure are you getting from this?

Dear brother,
Do I exist in your journal?
Do I get a second of your time?
Or do you long to deport me from your ship?

Dear brother,
Am I that unimportant?
Am I the shit you had to deal with all your life?
Or am I already buried six feet under your feet?

Dear brother,
Do you know what it means to call you ‘dear’?
It means I muse over the good old times

The times when you were there for me
When you took me into your arms
And when you lift me up high

The times when there were no hatred
When there was only room for love
And when the drizzle shines bizarrely

Dear brother,
I wish I never had to say this
But you make me dig this grave
Not to bury myself though
It’s you I am burying…

Colors of a Bullet

2008-11-11T11:30:00.000+08:00

Feeling grey
Feeling blue
Feeling white
I’m feeling all the colors tonight

Pretty damn tired
Of you whining
Of you yelling
I just wanna feel good tonight

Memory of you
Gone for the night
It’ll haunt again
When dawn comes replacing my night

This is now
That was then
I’m over
Over you and all of your Barbie dolls

So go on
Load a bullet
Pull the trigger
Judge yourself and do the honor

And that honor would be my pleasure…

A Vatican Dream

2008-11-09T23:22:00.001+08:00

Standing on a mount
High above touching the sky
The cold numbs my mind
Fixing the pain and agony
This is my Vatican dream

Bathing in the sea
Surfing on the tidal waves
Stabbed me like a blade
Please bleed me to my deathbed
This is my Vatican dream

Looking down the ravine
Fear arises with no warnin’
That fear engulfs my angst
Away from dark memories
This is my Vatican dream

But home where I am
Laying down puzzles and riddles
What will happen to me tomorrow?
What is happening to me today?
Unlike my Vatican dream

My lung is punctured
By the wound of your dying words
You’re not the only one dead
You took me with you
On the day you promised me
A sweet Vatican dream

Listen To Me

2008-10-30T00:29:00.000+08:00

I’m bleeding with rage inside of me
Like a pendulum swinging in my lungs
Where is this coming from
I can tell you that for sure
You lied to me all these years
Years of trust you smeared with treason

I was almost sure that you’re the one for me
All your lies and betrayal
Can you tell me why is that for
I gave up everything just to be with you
To witness the best thing of my life
And to learn the painful truth the foolish way

Now you just shut up and listen to me
Coz’ I’m gonna spill it once
You sick lil bastard you cleaned out my life
You tarnished my hopes and dreams
The cult you drag me into is driving me insane
I lost the meaning of life because of you

This transition will revolutionize me
Will change you in a matter of time
Please listen to me just this once
You’ll never get away with what you’re doin’ now
At least not while I’m still around
I will haunt you…
Until dawn awakes you from your nightmares…

Midnight Call

2008-10-29T00:31:00.000+08:00

Midnight came and haunts me
Sadness feels me up like never before
I dreamt of an enchanted realm
Where the grass was shining green
Like life not meant to die

I crossed streams one after another
My feet touching the icy cold water
Running rivulet felt like my own blood
Giving me a whole fresh strength
To carry on with my crossing

In the woods I felt the majesty
Whispering my name right into my heart
The sound of nature I heard
Touching the leaves and branches
Adoration a salvation

Lying awake gave me a reality check
Awaiting me in the cold outside
The city, the people, the greed
The shadow of the moon falls in place
But nothing in the world does